I wish things were handled differently…

Over this past weekend, I learned through Facebook that my Uncle James has died (Three years earlier, I learned through Facebook that my grandmother had died) and all it did for me as I was sitting back was wishing that things were handled differently after my parents divorced when I was very young. I may never know exactly what caused my parents to divorce nor will I ever know exactly why there was so much bad blood between my mother, my father, my grandmother, and the rest of his family. I really do wished things were handled differently from everyone involved. I don’t have a relationship with my father, I haven’t spoken to him in three years and I haven’t seen him in seven years. I hardly know any of the children that my father’s four brothers (Three of them are dead), my uncles became fathers to.

What’s effed up is that I’ve always gotten along well with my uncles when I was younger, in fact, I would speak to either of them a hell of a lot more than I would with my father. I felt comfortable whenever I’m around them, something that I never been with my father. I think it all goes back to him and my mother getting divorced, the bad blood that followed afterward and him not being an active parent in my life. That bad blood spilled in my direction and unfortunately, because of that, I don’t care enough to want to have a relationship with him. Because of that bad blood, I hardly know my cousins. Because of that bad blood, I haven’t spoken a great deal to my uncles as I got older. Because of that bad blood, the relationship between me and my grandmother deteriorated as I gotten older (I did visited her a week or two before I moved to Los Angeles in 2010 and I spoken to her once or twice in early 2011 before she died late that year.). What’s really sad about all of this is that two of my cousins has tried to reach out to me and I do what I can to not be involved with any of them. It’s from all the garbage that I seen growing up from my father coming to the house to pick me up,seeing him and my mother argue, to my mother taking my father to court for child support and my father and his family doing all they can to make my mother look like the worse person on the planet instead focusing on doing their part to take care of me as I was growing up. I hate that things are like this, I really do. As I write this, I really do wonder if my mother, my father, my grandmother, and the rest of his family ever have some regret about any of this. I wonder if they wish that things didn’t turn out the way they did, I really do.

To my Uncle James, I’m going to miss you, just like I miss Uncle Charles, Uncle Ray, and Grandma. I wish you were all here and I wish that things were handled differently…So long Uncle James.


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